Hello Mr. Fantasy Week Six/Seven

Yeah, so no update last week. My boss flew in from Toronto, which resulted in meetings for two straight days. Lucky for me, I got all my extra work done at home during the evening, when I could be doing something productive like writing these rankings, clipping my toenails or cursing myself for leveling up too much in Final Fantasy 8 (damn those summonses!)

So here’s a snapshot of Week Six/Seven:

Paul’s Team

Still one point out of first place, and as Ryan’s insightful little site shows, your wide receivers aren’t tops in the game - doesn’t matter much you’re your running backs are putting away four scores on a lazy day. As long as Tomlinson and Johnson are running, this team is going to be hard to top.

80’s Music Your Team Most Resembles:

Like Michael Jackson, your team is non-stop hits. And like Michael, everybody loves you and your ambiguous creepiness – although I wish you’d stop calling my house and asking me to come over to your basement to see “bubbles.” I’m not falling for that Paul, again.

Lindsay’s Team

Here’s a movie Linsday should watch: The Deer Hunter. It has Christopher Walken as a Vietnam era soldier who gets addicted to playing Russian roulette. On a completely unrelated note, Lindsay keeps picking Baltimore quarterbacks with the thought that the Ravens can play offense. Lindsay, watch the movie – what do you think happens to Walken?

80’s Music Your Team Most Resembles:

Def Leppard. You also have hits, but your team is crippled by the one-armed drummer that is McNair.

Larry’s Team

I was getting so used to see you and Brian together on the standings, it was like some kind of marriage. A ugly marriage, but, still. I guess Brian didn’t met your emotional needs because you’ve pulled away from him in the past couple weeks. Still, Paul and Lindsay are only spots in the distance.

80’s Music Your Team Most Resembles:

Your team is like Journey. You are kind of rocking it, but then again, uh, you’re Journey!

Brian’s Team

Matt Leinart isn’t so hot these days. He’s throwing it to the other team’s players like they were a women’s volleyball team. Now that Chris Simms was put out of his misery, you have to rely on Chad Pennington to get you through. Um, good luck! I can’t wait to see the highlight where Lavernous Coles is running and he catches something from Chad. Wait, that’s not the ball? It’s Chad’s arm!

80’s Music Your Team Most Resembles:

Toto. They had one good song, Africa. Then, they disappeared. Forever. You’ve had a few good weeks, and now poof!

Ryan’s Team

We’re heading toward the middle of the season and there are probably five teams all floating in the ether of mediocrity. At some point, somebody’s gonna have to rise to take third spot. Ryan, is it you? Is it in you? Or a better question, why is it in you?

80’s Music Your Team Most Resembles:

Much like a famous Foreigner song, “you have stars in your eyes,” but alas, your team is only a Juke Box Hero – there’s no real stardom in the cards.

Ian’s Team

A better week. You should call up Alge Crumpler personally to thank him. You’d think after touchdown number two, the Steelers might try to cover the only guy catching passes. Then again, maybe not.

80’s Music Your Team Most Resembles:

Billy Ocean. Because Ian, you should get out of my dreams, and into my car.

Derek’s Team

With Matt Hassleback out, I think you’ll probably get passed by Ryan soon. Plus, Leon Washington is not enough at running back. Speaking of running backs, Droughns isn’t just abusing his wife lately; he’s beating the crap out of your team this year. Ouch!

80’s Music Your Team Most Resembles:

Captain and Tennille – “Do That To Me One More Time” should be Droughn’s soundtrack; and, because both this band and your team are an abomination.

Dean’s Team

Um, WTF??? Was there kind of solar eclipse I missed last week – somehow my team is coming together nicely. Even I have to admit, I have some hope for next year. Even, Kevin Jones is in the top ten. The gods are treating me like that nerdy kid that gets voted prom king, you know, just for a laugh. No doubt I’m back to earth next week.

80’s Music Your Team Most Resembles:

Aha! My team is a monster this week so c’mon and ‘Take on Me.”

Wayne’s Team

Having Andrew Walter on your team is the kind of rough concession that admits how bad your team is performing. Trust me, having any Raider is something to be ashamed of, like Sloth from the Goonies, keep them locked up. Also, Kevan Barlow further cements his place as “free-agent” for next year and Troy Palomanu’s afro must be getting in the way – it would explain why he can’t stop a tight end from scoring three times on him.

80’s Music Your Team Most Resembles:

You are like WHAM; well actually, your team is like Andrew Ridgeley from WHAM. Both are desperately doling out handjobs for sandwichs. Only your sandwichs are filled with mayonnaise. Mayonnaise and bad fantasy football players.

Dennis’ Team

How do you spell hopeless? Here’s how: D-E-N-N-I-S-‘-S T-E-A-M.

80’s Music Your Team Most Resembles:

You team is like Ronnie James Dio fronting Whitesnake with RATT providing backing vocals. It has become so awful it’s like self-parody. Just talking about your team or thinking about those bands makes me long for a tetanus shot – in the neck.